Do You Blog?

Yes. At times.

Sometimes prolifically.

Most times sparingly.

But I do blog.

And after a conversation with Shannon Tierney Baker, Joel Baker, and Devon and Steve Salisbury and Abby Freer who all blog often about blogging, I'm blogging.

Yes, it is mostly because it was top of mind this morning.

And since Wes and Elyse Zitnay are thinking about starting their own, I figured, I better revive this thing...for the bazillionth time.

It's alive. Again.

P.S. Do you know what Google reader is? If you don't. Ask Shannon Baker. She knows ALL about it! Or you can just use the link I provided. Still, asking Shan's a pro and she can give ya all the insider info. Trust.

S.O.S. Please Someone Help Me, It's Not Healthy...

"Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Mark 9:21-24 NIV

Recently learned insight. It blew me away. Changed my life. FOR-EV-ERRRRR!!!

The father came to Jesus, kinda sorta hoping He could deliver his boy. I'm sure he'd heard a lot about Jesus' miracles, but He probably didn't know a whole lot about Jesus. His lack of knowledge of Christ's identity and power produced his wavering of "if you can do anything at all, take pity on us and help us."

I mean, I really wouldn't expect a stranger to do me a favor, let alone this powerful, miracle doing guy who claims to be God's Son. Even more, until that point, God wasn't someone with whom each person had a deep and close relationship. Nope. It was more like, "well, I've been good. I've kept to the law. I think maybe I'm worthy enough...maybe?"

And before this he'd also already asked the disciples to give it a try, but the boy kept being thrashed around and thrown into fire by his possessors.

So then, Jesus asserts His authority, reminds the father that what He lacks is belief. And the father responds with something like, "I do believe. Well actually, I kinda don't. Will you help me with that...I mean my unbelief?"

I learned that the Greek word for unbelief (apistos) means "not worthy of confidence, untrustworthy...a thing not to be believed in, incredible.

Christ wanted him not just to belief that He would heal his boy, but that He could accept the truth of the fact that He is the Son of God, that He could believe Him in everything He taught/teaches, and that He is trustworthy.

Then, Jesus helped him. Thank God!

It's OK to struggle because it's there (right in the struggle) that Christ wants us to say...

"A lotta help, over here. S.O.S. Me! I need the life savor. I can't do it on my own. I'm not even sure you want to help. I even feel guilty for that. I'm not just struggling. I'm struggling with unbelief. HELP ME!"

Because when we admit that we need the help we do a few things:

1) We identify that we are in struggle or bondange (our choice to sin)

2) We also identify that there is a greater truth and reality than what we are currently facing. We just can't see it all that clearly.

3) We relinquish control of the situation that we obviously cannot manage on our own.

4) We re-establish authority in Christ, to Christ

6) He comes to help us reorient our perspective, our actions AND EVEN gives us ability to see (SIGHT to BLIND), ability to hear (HEARING to DEAF). He also binds us up (HEALING to BROKEN) and gives us freedom (RELEASE to CAPTIVE). (Is 61:1)

5) He helps us choose life, over death.

Welcome to the struggle club...I wish it were the giggle club...that's more fun...but I think, this becomes easier...over time...as I see Jesus come to my rescue each time I peep a little "help". As my trust grows. As I learn more about Him. My "helps" will become louder and louder yelps.

Because He says about Himself...

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed"
Luke 4:18 (but prophesied in Is 61:1)

Lilies, Dandelions, and Sunflowers

Sister,
I see you
You pretty little flower
Sister,
I see you
You pretty
Little flower

Hiding there
with that
Fragrance of Despair
And no knowledge of,
Your Beauty

I said sister,
I see you
With your eyes moving,
From side to side
Taking in
Their glory
And majestic pride

And you wonder
Am I just like them?
Do I have it?
But you doubt it

You see them sister
So many different ones...
Dandelions
Roses
Carnations
Gerber Daises
Cactus Lilies
.... Sunflowers

And you stop and think,
"Wow, what's wrong with me?"
My creator,
Well he held back in tending me
He must've missed all the need I see
And your pain, it grows,
Your disdain too...

But sister, I see you
Pretty little flower
Look into these eyes
They see you, because
They know, exactly what you do.

Look at me. Look into my eyes.
Listen sister.
You. Are. A. Pretty. Flower.
I know them too. All the ones you see.
And guess what, sister. You are not like them.
In fact sister, my pretty sister.
Your difference is purposeful.

Because sister, your Creator delights in you.
He planned that you sister,
You, would look exactly, the way you do.
He intended that you sister,
You, would have exactly, what you do.
No more.
No less.
Just like the other Lilies.

Consider them...
Growing.
Not laboring.
Not spinning.
Fully clothed.
Fully known.
None forgotten.

See sister, He sees you too.
And the other little flowers...He sees them too.

But just like you, they question too.

So what you ask, does He think of you?
Sister, He loves you.
And He asks sister that you receive it.
He asks that you look up high
Towards His Son, and receive His light
Let it fill your leaves, and each and every petal

No, He doesn't shine too bright
No, He won't shade His light
He will fill you. And your Beauty sister.
Well, it'll Shine through
Oh, sister your Beauty, will surprise even you.

Sister, from glory to glory.
You will radiate.


By Me. Inspired by my beautiful sisters.
"Once a Tula, ALWAYS a Tula."

Soy Milk is NO real substitute...

Today I made pasta sauce, to go with my pasta and it was really just horrible! Word to the wise, when the ingredients call for milk...uhhh...use it! Soy milk is really no substitute...no matter how Lactose Intolerant one is. And despite the fact that I really didn't enjoy it one bit at all...I still ate it...not all of it...the left overs went to the trash...but I still ate until I was full.

And when I was done, I wondered why I did it. Why did in the world did I keep eating it?

No, it wasn't that I was starving, because I'd had a gronaloa bar right after work...

Nope, it wasn't the only thing available to eat. I've been to the market (store or supermarket for some of my other friends), so I have a full load of stuff to choose from....

No, it wasn't even because I was out of time, because tonight I reserved for me and Jesus...

WHY THEN?

It was because, I made it with the intent of eating it. And so, I did.

This speaks two things about me 1) I'm driven, focused, and can push past discomfort and fake enjoyment. 2) Eating can really be a thing of function for me.

Now this does not mean I do not love to enjoy food. I mean I felt warm inside when Paul Child asked Julia, "What is it you REALLY like to do?" and she answered "EAT!" Not just because it was a sweet moment, but because I may have said the same thing, and well, I identified deeply with Julia.

But tonight I realized that the thing I enjoy most about eating, is doing it with others whose company I also enjoy. So is this me inviting myself over to your place for dinner? No, but you can if you want too...haha! No, no, no. This is just me realizing more of myself.

Does this mean my husband may have to eat along with me when meals don't go as planned...it's possible. And I hope we can enjoy it...weeelll depending on how bad it is...I don't plan on killing him. ;)

Tonight, I could have done worse. I mean, this pasta is at least edible, despite my desiring it to taste like something else. The learning curve on meal preparation has proven to be a steep one for me...so I've learned to be more patient with myself in it all and have appreciated when others have been as well. Good times.

P.S. I need to find out whether or not I'm REALLY Lactose Intolerant...

Shuffle, Shuffle, Shuffle...

No, not your iTunes music.

That was what the 80+ year old man was doing as he moved down and around the cul-de-sac outside my front door.

I didn't watch him from there though, I saw him driving into my driveway just after work. Today wasn't an especially difficult day work wise. It was breezy and quite enjoyable as I had some stellar Arizona families come see me.

But there's been MUCH on my mind for very important reasons. Reasons that feel very urgent and very much life or death. And reasons that require perseverance, reflection, focus, patience and a lot of self discipline. But sometimes these attributes are difficult to maintain and not that much fun at all. So I wasn't excited about the idea of coming home to those reasons I'd put on hold while at work. No, they've been waiting for me. And I'm not even sure the reasons are going to even respond to all the attention and time I'm giving them. The lack of assurance, isn't very motivating.

Then shuffles across Gandesa Road, Mr. very tall, very bent over, and VERY slow. Given his posture, pace and age, I'd say he has every right to have a really cool Motorized Wheelchair like the one above. In case ya want your own, it's a Jazzy Electric Wheelchair. He could be cruising around La Mirada at light speed and stopping on a dime at every cross walk corner. But he's not that guy. He's not taking the easy way out.

In fact, the determination in his stride, said a lot more than just "age had done this to his body". I actually think it's more recent happening that has him walking with such labor. Maybe an accident, a stroke, or just one morning he woke up crooked and the doctors didn't know what to tell him. Nonetheless, He literally looked as if he was dragging 30,000,000 tons behind him. One ton is enough right?!

And it was obvious he wasn't used to life this way. But he was going for it. I'm sure he's aiming to walk enough times, throughout enough La Mirada blocks, and with enough precision and form, that eventually, he'll limber up, straighten out, have the gait of his pre-accident self and be right back in step with where he was before...maybe.

But there are benefits of his journey. He will of course have an intimate knowledge of La Mirada's streets; bumps, turns, hills, cracks, etc. But more importantly, he'll have a greater understanding of his capabilities and abilities. He'll know his limits, tests those limits and will surprise himself each and every day in how he surpasses the boundary lines that used to be horribly limiting. Again, maybe. But to him, maybe is enough.

And that challenges me, for a variety of different reasons. After writing enough blogs I've noticed that I really don't ever have one response or one reason for anything...I see many sides to even a very, very thin and small plain piece of paper.

Anyways, here's three.

Reason 1: I have a great Helper, who is willing to take me by the hand and lead me...if I reach out.

Reason 2: I have the promise that things will be different. That there will be change. It's absolutely possible that this could only mean a change in perspective, but there will still be change and I'm promised that.

Reason 3: I'll know myself and my Creator, even more intimately than when I started tending to all the reasons that are keeping me occupied in first place.

Love oversight...

This is a blog long overdue, as it pertains in part to some of my observations about myself (expectations, understandings, culture, etc) that were HUGELY apparent to me during my time in Oman.
***For those who don't know, I was there June 1-June 18 and so badly want to go back sooner than later***

And yes, I know I haven't written anything about the actual journey...I will, I'm still processing it. I sent a text to my friend saying my process sounded like this "drip, drip, SILENCE, drip, drip, drip, GUSH, drip".

At the very least, I'll say this...the experience was beautiful. And well beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? Our Beholder has very, very unique concepts of beauty. He is beauty and well my time in Oman, was absolutely a small, very heightened and "light speed" experience of what the process of "becoming more like Him" really even slightly looks like...simple reflections of His beauty.

So back to my title right...Love oversight? I just wanted to tell you about some time we spent with a beautiful couple.

They are Omani. They are newlyweds...2 years new. They are our friends.

He is a slim, shortish, very gentle, very kind, very patient, and very friendly man. For work, he's a water sports tour guide of sorts. He has a deep appreciation for the ocean and it's detail. He is very loyal to his family and friends. Even with friends like us who only come to visit for 2-3 weeks out of the year, he drops everything to spend time and catch up on life, and take us out on his boat to teach us how to Knee board.

She has beautiful deep brown eyes, framed by perfect eye brows (all natural since she doesn't thread or wax) a cute button nose, and an amazing smile. This is all you get to see when she's out and about in public, because she's clothed in Abaya and headscarf. However, because I'm a woman and a friend, I got to see the long, gorgeously healthy and wavey, dark brown hair hidden under her scarf. Only women and her closest male relatives and husband get to witness this beauty. Oh, and even with Abaya, you can tell, she's pregnant! Without the Abaya, it's of course even more obvious how very pregnant she is...she's due in September and she'll be having a baby girl! :)

Our team got to have dinner with these dear friends. We chose a restaurant that had family seating. This was requested by our friend, because he wanted a place that would allow us some privacy. In Oman (and other Middle Eastern countries) restaurants tend to have two seating areas. One for men, and one for families. The family seating areas are more private, kind of like our idea of booth seating, but in some places they actually have mini particians that allow for extra privacy for the family dining within them. Another reason one would request this seating arrangement is to also allow for their women guests to feel comfortable (at the very least, having to worry about other less honorable men seeing them) in a more private dining area.

Because I'm me and these two are really the only Omani couple that I know well enough to interact with both of them at the same time, I was really excited and intrigued to see how they showed love for each other. And let me tell you, during dinner, I was very distrought.

He didn't pull out her chair.
She didn't serve him water.
They didn't really make eye contact with each other.
They didn't make any physical contact.
They didn't even really talk to each other...except for providing information to questions we asked.
(I know, these may seem like very shallow examples, but remember, I was trying to boil it down to more obvious "love" sightings)

I mean I enjoyed myself, so I was broken by my findings. The food was amazing. I had an awesome strawberry shake. And I really enjoyed getting to know our Omani even better. We shared about our faiths, we talked about threading. We talked about the coming baby. We learned more Arabic words. Did I mention how wonderful the food was? We also took a few pictures. I'm not going to share them here because I want to respect our friends and posting a picture of our Omani woman friend just wouldn't be appropriate. Sorry guys.

So then we left. We said our good bys and wished them well because this was the evening before they were going to find out the sex of their child. :) Like I said before, she's a girl :).

Then we left. And during the car ride home, I thought and thought. And then at some point during the trip...I cannot remember exactly when...the following convo happend. I'm not even sure these were the exact words, so afford me some creative licsence as I try to remember.

Me: Do you think they love each other?
Chris: Yes they're crazy about each other!
Me: But they didn't even look at each other....

And then we went back and forth as a team about the things that I (and many Westerners like myself) perceive to be cold, mechanical interactions and concluded that the way they were relating to each other was perfectly culturally appropriate. It was totally Omani and completley out of deep respect and love for the other.

And when I thought about it, it was very true.

Our husband friend brought attention to the fact that his wife reads the Qur'an every day. This emphasises the fact that she is very committed and devoted to Allah and that she is very honorable. He had minimal contact with us woman out of respect for her and she the same with our guys. He smiled when talking about her, as did she. And they were in deep conversation with us, their dinner companions. So they were paying us honor by really being completely involved and engaged with each question and thought we directed their way and visa versa.
(Again, this is what I remember, and is still shallow in depth of story details and observation. So friends who were there, if you can remember, please chime in. To the rest of you who weren't there, please trust me when I say, they do love each other.)

So as you can imagine, I was relieved to realize, I was just trying to seeing things through the wrong lense. Cultural Contextualization 101?

So now I'm even applying this new realization to my relationships here at home. I think it's helping some. We'll see how it goes :)

P.S. I'm also in process of learning more about God's love. As my Father, Lover, Friend. As this knowledge grows, I know it'll deeply change how I understand love. It's already begun...excited for more. I think this will also deeply change what I understand "Jesus Culture" to be as well...Fun!

I have a friend named God...

"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:15

I've been on a journey of really desiring to know God intimately. This means letting Him consistently be for me, what I've so deeply sought and desired from others around me. This isn't a very easy task. Like this simple concept of what it means to be God's friend.

Now, I don't know about you, but I've had many different kind of friends in my life. Friends that are fair weathered. Friends that are of convenience. Friends that are of practicality. Friends that are from school. Friends that are from church. Friends that I've met during my travels. Friends that are like sisters. Friends that are like brothers. Friends that are like fathers. Friends that are like mothers.

All of these relationships, indicate differing levels of closeness and connection. And because each of these have held for me different kinds of experiences; joy filled, sorrow filled, filled with acceptance, filled with compassion, filled with indifference, filled with intimacy, filled with stress, etc. When I try and really know what kind of friend God wants to be for me...I struggle.

Rice a Roni

I'm currently making Rice-a-Roni. Yep, the San Francisco Treat! Hopefully it goes well. I have about 14 to 18 min while it simmers to kinda think over my day and process some of what's gone on.

Since our May 1st deadline just past this weekend, work was pretty light today. For those of you who don't know, in the admissions business, May 1st is a pretty huge deal because it's the last day that all college applicants have to let their colleges of choice know they're coming. I had a few phone calls, some emails, and some more calls.

Because of the light heartedness of the office, I've had some time to think more about Oman. I leave in T-Minus 28 days! I'm more than excited for the team and for those we will befriend when during our time. To does: Continued Fundraising and Purchasing Clothes! Although today I ran into a girlfriend who went last year and she said I could borrow her skirts! Whoohoo!

Last night we had a training session, that was pretty great for life in general. We learned two main things: Identifying People of Peace and Telling a 1.5 Minute Testimony. So things on my to do list now are to work on my testimony and pray for these dear friends we will meet. I know God will lead and direct and am excited for what's to come!

Ready, set, I do

I know , I know...I haven't written in a while. I stopped because I really hadn't felt anything really extraordinaire to write about. News Flash thanks to a Henri Nouwen post, I don't have to be really original or thought provoking...I just have to be willing to share more of myself. So, I'll try.

I've been thinking a lot about love and marriage more recently. A lot of random emotions have come along with this process...I'll save you those details...and kinda just roll with what I've really been musing over more recently...

First, one of the main reasons for this, is because a lot of my close friends have discovered that their love is meant for marriage and are tying the knot this summer. And because studying people and asking lots and lots of questions have always intrigued me...I've had lots of opportunity to observe.

In our Western culture, we have the luxury of picking our mates and deciding when "we are ready" to engage in a covenant that's supposed to last forever. Lucky us right?! Now I all know that this isn't really the case for most marriages when we look at statistics, but that's the hope right? I also know that sometimes some people marry for convenience, or status, or even looks, but that hasn't really been my experience. You know based on that very small focus group, which include the aforementioned couples and adult married couples with whom I'm close"ish".

Honestly, I think I'm more uncertain about how one knows they're ready to be married. I'm sure there are tons of books and lots of authorities on the issue, but really, how do you define readiness?

You can love someone deeply and know for certain of their commitment (because it's so much more than a feeling) and still not be ready.

You can have all the ideal ducks in a row: education finished, finances in order, soul searching completed, all wild oats sown, all the relationship experience in the world...and really still not be ready.

You can be 30+, well established, and well-connected and dating seriously and still not be ready.

I really think I'm gonna need a lot more time to observe and come to a conclusion on this one. This may need to be the thing I need to experience first hand in order to "really know".

Because if there's one thing I have really taken note of each of the couples I've encountered. While their time lines on marriage are all kind of similar, their relationships all look so very different...they're different...and they all just kinda knew...they were ready.

Being Receivable...

In about 4 months I will be leaving on a jet plane, heading towards the beautiful Sultanate of Oman. I have many, many feelings about it.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous.

I'm curious.

I'm expectant.

I'm hopeful.

My heart's invested. Through praying and preparing with last year's Oman team, I fell in love with

Omani's. In hearing friend's testimonies and witnessing Chris' experiences while he lived and led

there I know God desires to have His children reconciled to Him and to bring them peace. In reading

and learning about Omani culture I know I want to eat, breath, laugh, cry, and sweat (cause

it's so hot!) with Omani women. I really want them to know their beauty and worth as daughters of the

Most loving Father God.

I still don't feel ready. With four months to go, there's lots to do.

Main to dos:

Praying

Fundraising

Praying

More Culture Learning

Praying

and Praying

Mt. 10:40 says "He who receives you receives me, and he who

receives me receives the one who sent me."

Working towards being receivable...one surrendered will at a time.

A Look at Year 2009

I was going to sum up 2009 in by month, but it was a really big year and well it'd take a very, very LONG time to go through each and every month. So follow along below and enjoy what I can remember thus far. If knew things come to mind, I'll add them :).

I learned to really know God's love for this very needy daughter. I moved churches and joined the Southlands community. I was prayed over a number of times and each time God affirmed my calling to share His life, reconcile His people to right relationship with Him and serve His people. I realized the depth of love Christ has for me and how necessary His truth is for my every day living. I need His words, because most of the time mine aren't nearly powerful enough to battle the, could be, devastating lies of the enemy. I also spent a whole week with my mom and dad on an Alaskan cruise. Yes, it was VERY cold, and I really do not enjoy being cold. BUT the sights were gorgeous and we were able to have some great conversations. If there's one thing Alaska provides, aside from food so good I think only the banquet feast in Heaven tops it, it offers amazing "quiet time" locations. God affirmed and confirmed so much that week. It was incredible. After this amazing time, I moved out of the comfortable home of my parents and into a new home with seven beautiful women. There I learned a different kind of community--one where love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and understanding are priority. But even more priority is knowing our Father in heaven in new and greater ways each and ever day AND knowing how to love His people creatively and passionately. Chris and I also celebrated our first year anniversary, BUT he was in Oman and I was here in the States. So he asked Heather and Jon to take me on a most meaningful date, that he planned in advanced for me to partake in. It included our special spots and letters he wrote for me to read at each stop. I loved it...granted not as much as I would have loved it if he were really with me, but it was beautiful to have Jon and Heather love me on his behalf. But you know, looking back on it now and having our friendship grown to where it is today, I know they really were loving me just because they do...and the things Chris planned were just added bonuses. Speaking of Heather and Jon, they also started dating via the making of the Web. One day Chris, me (who were already dating) went with Heather and Jon on a little adventure to Santa Barbara. Now Chris and Jon had already been really great friends to this point, but Heather and I had never met before. But conversations had together during times exploring beautiful Santa Barbara brought us together. In a matter of 6 months, Jon and Heather were engaged (Dec '09). The Web is still very special to us and represents a place that we get to experience the depth, height, width, and the length of God's love for us. It's tangible. You can smell it, taste it, hear it, touch it, breath it...all in safe community. If you didn't know, Christopher spent about 3 months (felt more like forever) in Oman learning Gulf Arabic. He also spent time in Bahrain where he met amazing people and formed deep friendships. The time a part was trying and stretching to say the very least, but God met us both where and when ever we needed Him. I spent much of this time learning how to pray and how to really allow God to be my lover. And having Chris come home was especially exciting. He really did mature in a variety of different ways, but more than anything He knew deeply the Father's love for him and this meant I (and so many others) get to be on the receiving end of his response to this extravagant love. He also really did learn Arabic and well, it's just fun to hear him speak it. I wish I could say I've learned to cherish the time we spend together now that we are with each other in the States, but I haven't. Until right now, I forgot just how much I miss him when he's not a phone call, text message or 20 min drive away. SAD. I'll keep this in mind. I am thankful for friendships though. So thankful. Living in these communities has also helped me to really appreciate what my parents gave me in my own childhood. I was raised and rooted in the traditions of Christianity. Now I have my own real, deep, intimate relationship with Christ and I look forward to passing this heritage on to my children.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW...I'LL KEEP ADDING MORE...SO LOOK FOR UPDATES :)

Let's Play Catch Up

Well ladies and gentlemen, I've yet to find a knack for consistency. However I do strive towards it. So let's have another go at blogging. I don't promise to be thought provoking, or clever, or very funny, or even up on the times. However, I do promise to be honest, to be as transparent as I can be via blog and to allow you to journey with me as I learn to completely submit to my Father God.

So to catch you up really, really quickly...it's been a year since I last blogged all over myself...or you.

So let me give you highlights for each of those months...to the best of my ability...

July 2008

I had the opportunity to join a team of about 15 others a

nd work with the hill tribes in Maesot, Thailand! It was an amazing opportunity where we saw healings, salvations, baptisms and were able to worship with foursquare church family in Thailand! When I say healings I mean we saw one man's leg grow to meet the length of his other, a mute woman spe

ak, stomach problems vanish, blind given sight, and oppression be lifted. In all of this, I learned that the reason we need to leave our comfort zones and visit cultures not our own, is because God speaks to us in very, very different ways...but He speaks and He moves!

Something I journaled while there...

"Lord, it's an amazing privilege to have traveled so many miles to celebrate and encourage a people who are so very committed to you a

nd your true message of hope, mercy and grace. We make church so difficult and complicated. It's really quite simple--serve your people. Do this as an offering to you. You will honor our commitment and you will grow us. " So very true!!!

August 2008

Well, by this time I'd been working at Biola University as their Admissions Representative for about 3 whole months!!! I'd also been dating Mr. Christopher Barragan for 1 whole month :). And I had the amazing opportunity to go to youth camp with the RFC kiddos. It was an amazing time!

God gave me two things to share with the girls that weekend in message format. 1) The Giving Tree--as an example of what an unhealthy

relationship with Chris can look like; Christ being the tree and us being the boy. 2) Ephesians 1-a statement of faith and encouragement for Christ likeness.

September 2008

hmm...September feels kinda uneventful aside from the fact that I took my very first recruiting trip out to Central Califas, or more fondly termed "the arm pit of California". :) It was a great time of connecting with high school students a

nd families at high school visits and college fairs. And it was also extremely exhausting! My days began at 6am and ended at 10pm or 11pm...plus I was in a super unfamiliar territory. But this was the start of 3 months of uncharted territory for me, as I carried out the tasks and duties required of me as Biola's Admissions Representative.

What does an Admissions Representative do you ask? Well, basically I'm the person who's "in the trenches" or out on the road visiting 4 high schools a day and tabling a college fair in the evening. I probably met 40 to 60 new people every day. Some I had 2 to 3 min convos with , others I really was able to share and connect with about Biola and help them see how they might thrive in our community. Any college or univeristy representative is the "road dog".

You gotta like traveling, tolerate driving (or love it), enjoy flexibility and schedule change, have the ability to "make things happend" when they appear not to

be happening, and love people. I mean LOVE them! Because everyone knows, a high school kid knows when you're blowing smoke....so authenticity is key. To say the least...the experience grew me and challenged my character. And the solitude grew on me too. God time was easy in the car and power naps were a treat. :)

October 2008

Very much in the thick of the admission representative job. This month was a blur...outside of these fun events!

Happy 22 Birthday Mr. Barragan!!!

A Flintstones Halloween!!!!!!!!!

November 2008

Happy 25th Birthday to Me!!!! :)

December 2008

Chris and my first Christmas together. I became a Tiffany's girl. It was beautiful!

NOW THE ABOVE POST IS VERY OLD AND I NEGLECTED TO POST. EVEN MORE DEPRESSING IS THAT I HAVEN'T BLOGGED FOR A WHOLE YEAR. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY MANY HIGHLIGHTS FOR 2009. I'LL COMPILE THEM AND LIST THEM IN THE NEXT BLOG. COMING SOON...

Thailand Missions 2008

Something my team and I put together to share about our trip!

Enjoy!!!

Good Morning

With a lot of time on my hands, I have the luxury of waking up in this manner each and ever morning. I know right now I'm forming a habit....so that when life starts to get more busy than it is right now and God continues to put more responsibility on my plate, I will still remember to wake to each and every morning with this manner.

A perfect start to the day.

I admire...

I dividuals who can understand and digest
N ever ending, complicated emotions, concepts, issues
S o well that they, with
P rowess and power compose
I ntricate, yet comprehensible
R are pieces of
A rt
T hat are timeless, profound, impacting yet delicate enough to
I nspire and awaken similar feelings deep within the
O n looker, passerby, everyday person who happens to see, hear, read, or touch and will
N ever be the same again.


Inspiration

Frozen in Time...for 5 minutes...Try Bondage for a Lifetime

This past weekend 120 others and I participated in The Freeze Project (hosted by Charles Lee of JustOne & Derrick Engoy) and it was was an awesome success!

Basically what we did is select a location at the Santa Monica Promonade and freeze for 5 minutes in an "interesting" position. Upon freezing, we had tons of people walking/sitting around the promenade wondering what was goin' on. After the freeze people were very curious and asked tons of questions and we passed out lots of flyers. It was a very effective way to inform people about human trafficking.



Keep your eyes open for the next Freeze Project here http://thefreezeproject.com/.

If you aren't familiar with human trafficking it is modern-day slavery. It involves victims who are trafficked to and from various countries and locations and are forced, defrauded or coerced into labor or sexual exploitation. Annually, about 600,000 to 800,000 people -- mostly women and children -- are trafficked across national borders which does not count millions trafficked within their own countries. People are snared into trafficking by many means. In some cases, physical force is used. In other cases, false promises are made regarding job opportunities or marriages in foreign countries to entrap victims.

For more information or to connect with others who are actively working to end human trafficking visit:

Human Trafficking.org
JustOne
Stop the Traffik
International Justice Mission
Loose Change to Loosen Chains
Amnesty International

IN SHA'A ALLAH

If God wills it I will be heading to Thailand this summer for a short term missions trip with a few of the hilltribes in Northern Thailand.



During this trip we will spend a day in Bangkok at World Base Thailand and then some time at a local orphange and then carry out a medical missions operation to a few different hilltribes. I'm very excited about what God has in store!



I've been dealing with a few pressures or stressors if you may that have made it difficult for me to readily make the decision to go to Thailand.



1) I'm out of work and while I have the money to go...I feel guilty for doing so because I don't have an income.



2) My father has always been a wise counselor in my life and he really doesn't understand the vision behind this trip. He thinks I'm going for the opportunity to add another travel log to my life's tales. He thinks a short term missions trip like this really isn't worth the investment of time and money.



3) I'm not sure what's next for me in this current episode of my life and for a while even considered whether or not I was going because God put it on my heart to go, or if I was going because my loved ones were going and I wanted to tag along.



All things considered, God has been doing a work in me.



Even outside of this trip, God has really given me a burden to help those that cannot help themselves. I'm learning to love more and more every day. While it hurts at times, knowing how to love like Jesus did, really does make life more fulfilling and meaningful.



In a past more personal journal September 9, 2007 I wrote:



"Lord you bring a Divine focus and so much encouragement. Lord as I was just praying now and thinking about how much knowledge and experience you've allowed me to be exposed to...I still can't help but ask WHY?



What am I supposed to do? Lord as your vessel, how are these contents that you've filled me with thus far to be spilled out? Surely these things are not for my benefit. I have always understood that they are only for furthering others in whatever they strive for and where ever they need to get to.



Competition has never excited me. Shear knowledge has never been fulfilling. Numbers and statistics don't bring me satisfaction. It's always ever been the process...getting from A to B and bringing others there along the way.



So what's next? I don't want to forget ALL that I've learned...the tensions of society and the things that alleviate those tensions.



But how do I know what's next?



Lord lead me. Bring clarity. Give me very certain direction so that I know the right steps. "

So I continue to pray for clarity. I continue to pray for focus and direction. I continue to pray that those things that appear to be worthwhile and even take my heart captive are made evident for what they are...distractions...things that take away from what God has for me. Now I don't ever want to be a work horse...and I know that certain things are for our enjoyment as God has designed them....but there's a time for everything. Seasons.

Right now is my time to keep on working towards the plan God has for me. Thailand is very much a part of that plan...everything else around it has had strong influence...but God wants me to serve his people. That's what I'll do.

The Freeze Project--April 6, 2008. Join us!!!

My friends at Just One, One Voice to End Slavery, and Stop the Traffik will be hosting The Freeze Project at the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, CA at 3pm on April 6, 2008.

The inspiration for The Freeze Project came about when Improv Everywhere did their version in Grand Central Station, New York.




Justice Twist to the Idea:

Our twist to this idea would be to use this creative method for drawing attention to social injustices around the world.

The Basic Concept:

For our Freeze Project moments, we would like to draw a couple of hundred people at a time to participate in drawing attention to some of the social injustices of the world. Instead of protesting, we would like to create an experience that is fun, non-intrusive (in your face activism), and inclusive. We believe that we could use “the Freeze” to draw attention in a crowd, which will then be followed up with a brief handout to people about a particular social injustice in the world.

How a Freeze Project Moment Looks:

• Participants will be asked to show up a designated time and place.
• Participants will then proceed to the “Freeze” space and blend themselves into a crowd as if they were regulars in that particular environments (e.g., malls, events, outdoor shopping areas, etc.).
• A cue will be given by the director of the Freeze moment.
• Participants will then stop what they were doing and stay frozen for the next 5 minutes until they receive another cue telling them that the freeze is over.
• Following the freeze, participants will handout a couple of print material each to people observing them (with or without conversation).
  
  
  That’s it! Enjoy the rest of the day at the venue where the Freeze takes place.
  We just ask that participants give us feedback after the experience by visiting our website/blog: http://www.thefreezeproject.com/.
  

Things they need:

• Freeze participants --RSVP
• People interested in video taping the Freeze moment
• donations of bottled water

So come join us!!!!

Give, Give, Give, Give!

Don't be Duped

I'm the eldest of three children, so growing up in the Ventura household meant that very few things really belonged to us. My parents bought everything and for the sake of not having to buy more than one thing (unless it was Christmas) toys, food, and sometimes clothes were meant to be shared.

Being raised in this way, I never really had a hard time sharing with others, because I hadn't really purchased any of the things I was giving away. Things are just things, anyways, and they can always be replaced.

At my small Christian school, Santa Fe Springs Christian, I was always the studious, reliable, kid who always wrote down every homework assignment and always had homework done by 8 or 9pm. I was also the kid whose friends called to get assignments and homework help...or if the situation was dire...the answers.

Now my classmates weren't slackers, they just had other things to worry about. My only concern in the world , aside from basketball, was ever homework. Seriously. And it wasn't really any problem helping them out...I'd already done the work anyways.

This common practice continued until one evening my father overheard me helping a friend with her homework. And when I got off the phone he gave me a lesson on the value of time. He proceeded to explain to me about people with character, and people with work ethic and responsibility and integrity. He showed me that I was one of those people and I deserved not to be used by those that weren't.


(The fact that he did this after I was off the phone was empowering because it allowed me time to process and think about all that he had shared with me and carry out my own application of what it all meant to me.)


As I grew up, I guarded these traits so well, that I ended up sucking out any life and joy that they really provide and lived in fear of being taken advantage of and worked very hard to avoid it.

And when I did do it, the temporal feeling of fulfillment was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and frustration because, once again, I'd let myself be taken advantage of...I'd been duped.

I unlearned the very necessary gift of generosity.

"Generosity Encouraged"

More recently though, God's been showing me how He encourages generosity. I mean for crying out loud John 3:16 tells us that he GAVE his only son so that we (people that don't even really know the slightest thing about gratitude) could live in a intimate relationship with him.

And so I give...and the most impactful form of giving in my heart is giving of my time and energy. And it's great! Not only do I have the privilege of spending time with beautiful amazing people, but I get to learn about life with them. And I learn about hurt and disappointment, because sometimes I'd like to receive a little something back from whoever I'm giving to...I mean...I am human. But mainly I learn more and more about grace and love.

God reminded me today in 2 Corinthians 8 that we need to be giving EVERYTHING as we can. Even the things we received in return for our giving. Yep...we need to give that too...that's giving. Paul is careful not to encourage reckless giving, but directs us to "give just as much as we are able" (v. 3). He even advocates egalitarianism when he says "our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality." (v. 13).

Even more he reminds us that really, there is no such thing as giving too much, because just as God provided for the Israelites when he instructed them to collect mana for 6 days of the week and to rest on the 7th, they were provided for..."He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." (Ex. 16:18).

So I will continue to learn how to give...generously.
2 Corinthians 8:7-8 says "But just as you excel in everything --in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us --see that you also excel in this grace of giving. I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with with the earnestness of others. "

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!

The following is a posting I lifted from author of Ruby Slippers, Jonalyn Grace Fincher's blog. Next week I will be attending a luncheon where she is the keynote speaker and so in preparation I wanted to see a little more into her mind and heart.

I found that in this posting below, she thoroughly addresses a lot of what I've ever wondered about gender roles and home economics from a biblical perspective and reassures women that there's more to the Proverbs 31 woman then we think.

A godly woman isn't defined by how well she can carry out her household duties and whether or not her household runs with efficiency, but it's about how well she truly knows her femine self as her heavenly Father intended her to be; without neglecting her giftings, passions, goals and soul cravings.

Biblical Womanhood?

When I sat down to write Ruby Slippers I got some excellent advice.

• Don't assume that you have THE model of womanhood.
• Take time to be freeing and flexible to your readers
• Before normalizing any experience you've had look around, does it fit all types of women?

And God pointed my gaze to women (my agent, my publisher, my grandmothers, Deborah, Ruth, Priscilla) who didn't fit my neat list of feminine traits. Eventually, I came to a place where I could honestly say, "I am not offering an exhaustive index on femininity or the only biblical model for womanhood" (Ruby Slippers 25). Read more about re-working my original narrow conceptions of femininity in Ruby Slippers' "Epilogue" pg 192-193.

There is a steady stream of work, however, that says there is one form of Biblical Womanhood. Much to my dismay, the L.A. Times has covered one such example at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, where you can get a BA in their newly opened degree in Home Economics (hooray for the Home Ec revival). Sadly, it's only open to women.

The journalist interviewed Dorothy Patterson who appears to be certain that her flavor of homemaking is biblical.

So in no particular order, here are some of the problems with equating Biblical womanhood with the stay-at-home flavor of femininity (a great way to be feminine, but by no means the only way!).By the way, reading the article (free membership required) will give you some interesting perspective and background on my comments.

Problem 1: The college is equating God's purpose for women with being a helper suitable for man (Gen 2:18, Hebrew ezer = pronounced "ay'-zer", best translated ally). That's fine and mostly good, but to them, being an ezer means being good at home economics. So "helper" means sewing buttons, sustaining sparkling dinner conversations, and making a delicious meal. One woman who gave up her career when her husband wanted children is quoted as saying "If we love the Scripture, we must do it. We must fit into this role." Is this really what Scripture says? I find that the word most associated with ezer is the synonym warrior-protector, not homemaker. This idea leaves no room for the Proverbs 31 woman (a female often esteemed by Southern Baptists as the ideal woman) who is part organics farmer (v. 13), artist (v.13), international exports and imports monitor(v.14, 24), chef (v.15), food storage and distribution expert (v.15), administrator (v.15), public relations officer, (v.15),realtor (v.16), oenologist (v.16), pilates attender (v.17), accountant (v.18), textile operator (v. 19), defense attorney for the poor and oppressed (v.20), interior designer (v.22), fashion designer (v.13,21,24), high-achieving-up-at-the-crack- of-dawn-coffee-drunk -paper-read-off-to-work sort of woman (v.15, 18), and most of these positions bring her earning, i.e. real world money. She is a real provider and protector for her family, in both the public and private spheres. And it no where says she has a joint checking account with her husband. Though she may have. The point is not to be overwhelmed by her, the point is that we've got options ladies, real options.

Problem 2: This view of "biblical homemaking" bars wives and mothers from taking co-dominion opportunities in the public market place: law, business, academy, church. Now don't hear me wrong, I don't mean to say that staying home with kids, or even being a homemaker without children is a poor decision, but let's not prescribe it as the only godly position. The minimal number of Christian wives and mothers modeling what it looks like to be professors, attorneys, public servants, itinerant speakers, corporate executives has hurt more than a few women in deciding on what options are open to them. Would that we really had more Prov 31 examples around!

Problem 3: Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, et al., have constructed an artificial realm of womanhood (i.e. home economics), and failed to dig deeper into the real unique things women offer. A man can iron, sew, cook, entertain just as well as a woman, so making women Masters of Home Economics pretends that this is a "woman's realm" when in reality it's a human realm. Further it actually robs men from the work (both satisfying and grueling) of caring for hearth and home. If a wife prefers to be the home economics master, well and good, but let's not assume that this means she is

• more feminine
• more godly
• more biblically feminine
• more ezer.
  

She is not. Femininity, godliness and helper are more demanding than home economics. You can do home economics well, and still be unfeminine and ungodly (i.e. frigid or invulnerable or calculating or controlling or demanding et cetera).

Problem 4: Home Economics is something men can do awfully well. Shouldn't we value men doing the dishes and loving through service? Shouldn't Eph. 5:25 "love your wives as Christ loved the church" invite men into home economics? We could empower and encourage men to find jobs that they do well around the house. If wives were submissive in all things, this would include letting men help us with the housework, right? In our home, Dale is the primary dish-washer, grocery-shopper and part-time vacuumer and does these tasks very well. I can do them well, too, but my femininity is not threatened by him doing keeping house anymore than his masculinity is threatened by scrubbing pots and pans.

Problem 5: The LA Times' journalist no doubt left this Seminary with the distinct impression that the Bible is the foundation for this narrow definition of womanhood. No wonder we're losing women to Wicca. Here's how I'd think if I were a non-believer reading this article, "If the Biblical god forces women into realms that do not fit their giftings, their passions, their goals, their soul, then perhaps this god isn't really God."

Problem 6: There appears a sort of sanctified Martha Stewart lifestyle in this training. With such a long list of home economics duties, the wealthy and middle class make out substantially better in fulfilling their God-given purpose than the women who are weak, sick, disabled, poor, divorced, abandoned, widowed. I don't think God would approve of that, since he's so big on helping the weak and oppressed. In fact, he's pretty angry with those who heap burdens on those who cannot lift them (Luke 11:46). And a well-managed household being a good testimony? Praising home economics too highly can begin to heap more responsibilities on women (who must be wealthy enough to stay home and manage all this) to perform well. Women already have a weakness here. For me, I don't need more spiritualizing of my home's cleanliness (for instance, do spiritual destinies really depend on how smoothly my home runs?) I already have enough tapes running in my head preventing me from taking my home less seriously.

Some of the women quoted by the L.A. Times said, "The whole point of taking college-level homemaking is to ensure that my husband won't ever feel that he has to darn a sock or do the laundry. Those are my jobs." and "I'm not one of those out to rebel, out-to-be-my-own-woman types." I want to say, "Do you believe it is automatically selfish, rebellious or unfeminine to follow Christ into unconventional places?" For a better read on Home Economics, I'd recommend Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life, where Margaret Kim Patterson dignifies the menial aspects of housework into one way of worshipping God. But she never equates a woman's value with this good work.One secular author gave these comforting words that to me, speak more truth into femininity. As we pursue God's thoughts on women, let's keep them in mind, "No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anyone, but oneself." Virginia Woolf.