Give, Give, Give, Give!

Don't be Duped

I'm the eldest of three children, so growing up in the Ventura household meant that very few things really belonged to us. My parents bought everything and for the sake of not having to buy more than one thing (unless it was Christmas) toys, food, and sometimes clothes were meant to be shared.

Being raised in this way, I never really had a hard time sharing with others, because I hadn't really purchased any of the things I was giving away. Things are just things, anyways, and they can always be replaced.

At my small Christian school, Santa Fe Springs Christian, I was always the studious, reliable, kid who always wrote down every homework assignment and always had homework done by 8 or 9pm. I was also the kid whose friends called to get assignments and homework help...or if the situation was dire...the answers.

Now my classmates weren't slackers, they just had other things to worry about. My only concern in the world , aside from basketball, was ever homework. Seriously. And it wasn't really any problem helping them out...I'd already done the work anyways.

This common practice continued until one evening my father overheard me helping a friend with her homework. And when I got off the phone he gave me a lesson on the value of time. He proceeded to explain to me about people with character, and people with work ethic and responsibility and integrity. He showed me that I was one of those people and I deserved not to be used by those that weren't.


(The fact that he did this after I was off the phone was empowering because it allowed me time to process and think about all that he had shared with me and carry out my own application of what it all meant to me.)


As I grew up, I guarded these traits so well, that I ended up sucking out any life and joy that they really provide and lived in fear of being taken advantage of and worked very hard to avoid it.

And when I did do it, the temporal feeling of fulfillment was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and frustration because, once again, I'd let myself be taken advantage of...I'd been duped.

I unlearned the very necessary gift of generosity.

"Generosity Encouraged"

More recently though, God's been showing me how He encourages generosity. I mean for crying out loud John 3:16 tells us that he GAVE his only son so that we (people that don't even really know the slightest thing about gratitude) could live in a intimate relationship with him.

And so I give...and the most impactful form of giving in my heart is giving of my time and energy. And it's great! Not only do I have the privilege of spending time with beautiful amazing people, but I get to learn about life with them. And I learn about hurt and disappointment, because sometimes I'd like to receive a little something back from whoever I'm giving to...I mean...I am human. But mainly I learn more and more about grace and love.

God reminded me today in 2 Corinthians 8 that we need to be giving EVERYTHING as we can. Even the things we received in return for our giving. Yep...we need to give that too...that's giving. Paul is careful not to encourage reckless giving, but directs us to "give just as much as we are able" (v. 3). He even advocates egalitarianism when he says "our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality." (v. 13).

Even more he reminds us that really, there is no such thing as giving too much, because just as God provided for the Israelites when he instructed them to collect mana for 6 days of the week and to rest on the 7th, they were provided for..."He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." (Ex. 16:18).

So I will continue to learn how to give...generously.
2 Corinthians 8:7-8 says "But just as you excel in everything --in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us --see that you also excel in this grace of giving. I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with with the earnestness of others. "

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!

The following is a posting I lifted from author of Ruby Slippers, Jonalyn Grace Fincher's blog. Next week I will be attending a luncheon where she is the keynote speaker and so in preparation I wanted to see a little more into her mind and heart.

I found that in this posting below, she thoroughly addresses a lot of what I've ever wondered about gender roles and home economics from a biblical perspective and reassures women that there's more to the Proverbs 31 woman then we think.

A godly woman isn't defined by how well she can carry out her household duties and whether or not her household runs with efficiency, but it's about how well she truly knows her femine self as her heavenly Father intended her to be; without neglecting her giftings, passions, goals and soul cravings.

Biblical Womanhood?

When I sat down to write Ruby Slippers I got some excellent advice.

• Don't assume that you have THE model of womanhood.
• Take time to be freeing and flexible to your readers
• Before normalizing any experience you've had look around, does it fit all types of women?

And God pointed my gaze to women (my agent, my publisher, my grandmothers, Deborah, Ruth, Priscilla) who didn't fit my neat list of feminine traits. Eventually, I came to a place where I could honestly say, "I am not offering an exhaustive index on femininity or the only biblical model for womanhood" (Ruby Slippers 25). Read more about re-working my original narrow conceptions of femininity in Ruby Slippers' "Epilogue" pg 192-193.

There is a steady stream of work, however, that says there is one form of Biblical Womanhood. Much to my dismay, the L.A. Times has covered one such example at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, where you can get a BA in their newly opened degree in Home Economics (hooray for the Home Ec revival). Sadly, it's only open to women.

The journalist interviewed Dorothy Patterson who appears to be certain that her flavor of homemaking is biblical.

So in no particular order, here are some of the problems with equating Biblical womanhood with the stay-at-home flavor of femininity (a great way to be feminine, but by no means the only way!).By the way, reading the article (free membership required) will give you some interesting perspective and background on my comments.

Problem 1: The college is equating God's purpose for women with being a helper suitable for man (Gen 2:18, Hebrew ezer = pronounced "ay'-zer", best translated ally). That's fine and mostly good, but to them, being an ezer means being good at home economics. So "helper" means sewing buttons, sustaining sparkling dinner conversations, and making a delicious meal. One woman who gave up her career when her husband wanted children is quoted as saying "If we love the Scripture, we must do it. We must fit into this role." Is this really what Scripture says? I find that the word most associated with ezer is the synonym warrior-protector, not homemaker. This idea leaves no room for the Proverbs 31 woman (a female often esteemed by Southern Baptists as the ideal woman) who is part organics farmer (v. 13), artist (v.13), international exports and imports monitor(v.14, 24), chef (v.15), food storage and distribution expert (v.15), administrator (v.15), public relations officer, (v.15),realtor (v.16), oenologist (v.16), pilates attender (v.17), accountant (v.18), textile operator (v. 19), defense attorney for the poor and oppressed (v.20), interior designer (v.22), fashion designer (v.13,21,24), high-achieving-up-at-the-crack- of-dawn-coffee-drunk -paper-read-off-to-work sort of woman (v.15, 18), and most of these positions bring her earning, i.e. real world money. She is a real provider and protector for her family, in both the public and private spheres. And it no where says she has a joint checking account with her husband. Though she may have. The point is not to be overwhelmed by her, the point is that we've got options ladies, real options.

Problem 2: This view of "biblical homemaking" bars wives and mothers from taking co-dominion opportunities in the public market place: law, business, academy, church. Now don't hear me wrong, I don't mean to say that staying home with kids, or even being a homemaker without children is a poor decision, but let's not prescribe it as the only godly position. The minimal number of Christian wives and mothers modeling what it looks like to be professors, attorneys, public servants, itinerant speakers, corporate executives has hurt more than a few women in deciding on what options are open to them. Would that we really had more Prov 31 examples around!

Problem 3: Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, et al., have constructed an artificial realm of womanhood (i.e. home economics), and failed to dig deeper into the real unique things women offer. A man can iron, sew, cook, entertain just as well as a woman, so making women Masters of Home Economics pretends that this is a "woman's realm" when in reality it's a human realm. Further it actually robs men from the work (both satisfying and grueling) of caring for hearth and home. If a wife prefers to be the home economics master, well and good, but let's not assume that this means she is

• more feminine
• more godly
• more biblically feminine
• more ezer.
  

She is not. Femininity, godliness and helper are more demanding than home economics. You can do home economics well, and still be unfeminine and ungodly (i.e. frigid or invulnerable or calculating or controlling or demanding et cetera).

Problem 4: Home Economics is something men can do awfully well. Shouldn't we value men doing the dishes and loving through service? Shouldn't Eph. 5:25 "love your wives as Christ loved the church" invite men into home economics? We could empower and encourage men to find jobs that they do well around the house. If wives were submissive in all things, this would include letting men help us with the housework, right? In our home, Dale is the primary dish-washer, grocery-shopper and part-time vacuumer and does these tasks very well. I can do them well, too, but my femininity is not threatened by him doing keeping house anymore than his masculinity is threatened by scrubbing pots and pans.

Problem 5: The LA Times' journalist no doubt left this Seminary with the distinct impression that the Bible is the foundation for this narrow definition of womanhood. No wonder we're losing women to Wicca. Here's how I'd think if I were a non-believer reading this article, "If the Biblical god forces women into realms that do not fit their giftings, their passions, their goals, their soul, then perhaps this god isn't really God."

Problem 6: There appears a sort of sanctified Martha Stewart lifestyle in this training. With such a long list of home economics duties, the wealthy and middle class make out substantially better in fulfilling their God-given purpose than the women who are weak, sick, disabled, poor, divorced, abandoned, widowed. I don't think God would approve of that, since he's so big on helping the weak and oppressed. In fact, he's pretty angry with those who heap burdens on those who cannot lift them (Luke 11:46). And a well-managed household being a good testimony? Praising home economics too highly can begin to heap more responsibilities on women (who must be wealthy enough to stay home and manage all this) to perform well. Women already have a weakness here. For me, I don't need more spiritualizing of my home's cleanliness (for instance, do spiritual destinies really depend on how smoothly my home runs?) I already have enough tapes running in my head preventing me from taking my home less seriously.

Some of the women quoted by the L.A. Times said, "The whole point of taking college-level homemaking is to ensure that my husband won't ever feel that he has to darn a sock or do the laundry. Those are my jobs." and "I'm not one of those out to rebel, out-to-be-my-own-woman types." I want to say, "Do you believe it is automatically selfish, rebellious or unfeminine to follow Christ into unconventional places?" For a better read on Home Economics, I'd recommend Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life, where Margaret Kim Patterson dignifies the menial aspects of housework into one way of worshipping God. But she never equates a woman's value with this good work.One secular author gave these comforting words that to me, speak more truth into femininity. As we pursue God's thoughts on women, let's keep them in mind, "No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anyone, but oneself." Virginia Woolf.

A Reflection...

While cleaning out my desk I found my Life's Reflection titled "Did I Answer My Calling" that I wrote my senior year of high school (2002) for my Death and Dying class at St. Joseph's High School. For the class I basically I had to plan my own funeral and write somewhat of a Eulogy. Here's what I wrote:

" Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." (Romans 12:1-3)

Idealizing or envisioning one future self is a difficult task, because we constantly change and grow. Our passions fade or grow according ot the goals we pursue or the influences we have based on our individual experiences. But right now, I wish to be remembered as someone who was truly authentic. One who exhibited sincerity in everything I expressed to whomever I encountered. One who lived with integrity, never wavering from God's vision for my life. I want to be known as one who truly tried to be a disciple and a light unto this world. All things considered, I want to have lived by the given passage above.

Authenticiy is hard to come by in this present world. Standards are set according to what the world expects of people and sad to say, it doesn't expect much. We are only expected to live life for ourselves, however that may be. Selfishness keeps humanity from reaching its full potential. We are only expected to accept whatever the world puts in front of us. I do not want to have been a person who did this, no matter how politcally incorrect I may have been.

I want to have reached a point of selflessness. Not necessarily doing nothing to benefit myself or to further myself in life, but reachind for success with one goal in mind: to have used my talents to answer God's calling to be a living sacrifice. This would entail living according to God's word; knowing it, learning from it, and living by it. Knowing God's word would enable me to know God and by knowing him, I would have had the right mindset to catalyze change in this world and inspire people to reach beyond mediocracy. I would have known how to love unconditionally and to have compassion for everyone I encountered. I would have had faith that I expressed to all with whom I came in contact. I would have been the one who prayed whenever an immediate answer could not be found; always having unwavering faith in God's ability.

Our world has lost faith in God. Society is literally falling apart because while we succeed materialistically, our moral cloth detiriorates. I did not to fall into the gap of materialsm. I would have been the one who shared my whole self (and any extension of that) with all whome I came in contact; my wisdom, God's vision, my challenge to excellence, my heart for God's will and need for His word. A living sacrifice. "

Wow. The basic sentiment of my heart's desires haven't really changed after 6 years of exposure to "the real world". I still yearn to be authentic, to know how to really love people, to know how to honestly give of my every being out of selflessness, to know God's heart and His will for my life and the lifes of other, to encourage others to see past the things that keep them in bondage and see the excellence that God has for them, to be his living sacrifice.