During this trip we will spend a day in Bangkok at World Base Thailand and then some time at a local orphange and then carry out a medical missions operation to a few different hilltribes. I'm very excited about what God has in store!
I've been dealing with a few pressures or stressors if you may that have made it difficult for me to readily make the decision to go to Thailand.
1) I'm out of work and while I have the money to go...I feel guilty for doing so because I don't have an income.
2) My father has always been a wise counselor in my life and he really doesn't understand the vision behind this trip. He thinks I'm going for the opportunity to add another travel log to my life's tales. He thinks a short term missions trip like this really isn't worth the investment of time and money.
3) I'm not sure what's next for me in this current episode of my life and for a while even considered whether or not I was going because God put it on my heart to go, or if I was going because my loved ones were going and I wanted to tag along.
All things considered, God has been doing a work in me.
Even outside of this trip, God has really given me a burden to help those that cannot help themselves. I'm learning to love more and more every day. While it hurts at times, knowing how to love like Jesus did, really does make life more fulfilling and meaningful.
In a past more personal journal September 9, 2007 I wrote:
"Lord you bring a Divine focus and so much encouragement. Lord as I was just praying now and thinking about how much knowledge and experience you've allowed me to be exposed to...I still can't help but ask WHY?
What am I supposed to do? Lord as your vessel, how are these contents that you've filled me with thus far to be spilled out? Surely these things are not for my benefit. I have always understood that they are only for furthering others in whatever they strive for and where ever they need to get to.
Competition has never excited me. Shear knowledge has never been fulfilling. Numbers and statistics don't bring me satisfaction. It's always ever been the process...getting from A to B and bringing others there along the way.
So what's next? I don't want to forget ALL that I've learned...the tensions of society and the things that alleviate those tensions.
But how do I know what's next?
Lord lead me. Bring clarity. Give me very certain direction so that I know the right steps. "
So I continue to pray for clarity. I continue to pray for focus and direction. I continue to pray that those things that appear to be worthwhile and even take my heart captive are made evident for what they are...distractions...things that take away from what God has for me. Now I don't ever want to be a work horse...and I know that certain things are for our enjoyment as God has designed them....but there's a time for everything. Seasons.
Right now is my time to keep on working towards the plan God has for me. Thailand is very much a part of that plan...everything else around it has had strong influence...but God wants me to serve his people. That's what I'll do.
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