Today I made pasta sauce, to go with my pasta and it was really just horrible! Word to the wise, when the ingredients call for milk...uhhh...use it! Soy milk is really no substitute...no matter how Lactose Intolerant one is. And despite the fact that I really didn't enjoy it one bit at all...I still ate it...not all of it...the left overs went to the trash...but I still ate until I was full.
And when I was done, I wondered why I did it. Why did in the world did I keep eating it?
No, it wasn't that I was starving, because I'd had a gronaloa bar right after work...
Nope, it wasn't the only thing available to eat. I've been to the market (store or supermarket for some of my other friends), so I have a full load of stuff to choose from....
No, it wasn't even because I was out of time, because tonight I reserved for me and Jesus...
WHY THEN?
It was because, I made it with the intent of eating it. And so, I did.
This speaks two things about me 1) I'm driven, focused, and can push past discomfort and fake enjoyment. 2) Eating can really be a thing of function for me.
Now this does not mean I do not love to enjoy food. I mean I felt warm inside when Paul Child asked Julia, "What is it you REALLY like to do?" and she answered "EAT!" Not just because it was a sweet moment, but because I may have said the same thing, and well, I identified deeply with Julia.
But tonight I realized that the thing I enjoy most about eating, is doing it with others whose company I also enjoy. So is this me inviting myself over to your place for dinner? No, but you can if you want too...haha! No, no, no. This is just me realizing more of myself.
Does this mean my husband may have to eat along with me when meals don't go as planned...it's possible. And I hope we can enjoy it...weeelll depending on how bad it is...I don't plan on killing him. ;)
Tonight, I could have done worse. I mean, this pasta is at least edible, despite my desiring it to taste like something else. The learning curve on meal preparation has proven to be a steep one for me...so I've learned to be more patient with myself in it all and have appreciated when others have been as well. Good times.
P.S. I need to find out whether or not I'm REALLY Lactose Intolerant...
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